Terpaksa Rela

Aku cukup menyampah naik kereta lama-lama. Nak nya bila dah ada anak ni. Mana nak angkut barang-barang dia lagi, kencing berak dia dalam perjalanan dan perangai dia dalam keta lagi. Tak bawak kang, tak sampai hati pulak. Nanti aku jugak yang dok terkenang-kenang dan rindu-rinduan dengan si kecik tu. Tu la sebab aku selalu avoid unnecessary journey. Leceh. dasar pemalas .

Tapi hujung minggu yang lepas terpaksa dikecualikan pasal menghantar sepupu yang bernikah di Penang. Alhamdullillah, lepas satu hal.

Walaupun tak drive sekilometer pun, penatnya, mak aiiiii!

Esoknya lepas beberapa jam sampai rumah, mak tersayang announced :

“Abang kau kahwin nanti, dah ado tarikh 'eh.

Mak ingat nak buek 1 bulan 8 taun ni.

Oghang sano nak tak nak tunggu lelamo.

Kono la kau rezeb cuti nanti......."

(Reserve cuti? Takde hal....)

.

.

.

.

.

(after that she added....)

"Kito poie KELANTAN!”

*pengsan*

Today, 8 Years Ago

I join this company. I am still here.

(Is it good or bad?)
Few months ago, my boss asked me to remind him

about my salary increment today.
I don’t think I will do that.
Company business is not good.

We are talking about cutting expenses.
It is stupid not wise to talk about salary increment now.

So, I will not.

..... Tetap Bersyukur

Che Man & I went to see this last weekend.

This is not our unit. Ours is at the last row.

(mengadap ladang kelapa sawit, bleh?)

Che Man said I should not go into the construction site, but

"alang-alang menyeluk pekasam, biar sampai ke pangkal lengan"

Tak kan nak tengok dari jauh je. Aku dah le rabun.

Apa la nasib, pintu berkunci pulak.

Dulu tu, ada gak aku tengok pintu yang terbuka.

Sudahnya dapat jeguk dari luar je.

Cuma nampak hall dengan pintu master bedroom je.

Tak puas hati sungguh. Che Man pulak tak mau temankan aku.

Dia tengok gelagat aku dari jauh je.

Tak senonoh betul bini dia melekap muka kat cermin tingkap

nak tengok dalam rumah.

Since it is by the same developer with our current rented house,

only (agak-agak) 1.5km from the current house and

about the same type,

I cannot help it but to compare between the two.

I was not very happy with the results.

In my first draft of this entry, I’ve listed down the comparison.

Later I decided to erase them.

I think I should wait till I see the whole house in few months time

before I can make a better and fair comparison.

Come to think about it

make me realized that I’ve started the comparison

with negative thoughts

– what I don’t like about the house!

That’s very negative of me.

.

Lets be more positive.

For a start:

It is going to be OUR very own house.

I thank Allah for that.

Even it is only a small 3-bedroom single storey house;

at least we are going to have our own house end of this year

(hoping for smooth construction progress).

Tak yah sewa dari Mrs. Chua dah.
Now, we kindda neglect to care / beautify the rented house especially

the small garden & back area, thinking:

“Ala.. takyah susah-susah… rumah sewa jer….”.

I guess the motivation is not there coz it is not ours.

That also must change la. Hehehehe….

Tiap-Tiap Hari Berjanji Nak Diet

Tiap-tiap hari jugak aku fail – to start.

From double-chin, sudah triple-chin.

This weekend ada program makan-makan.

.

Habis camno?

Start next week je la nampaknya.

Ngeh…ngeh… ngeh….!

.

Aiman : Ibu... dagu ibu ada dua yek?

Ibu : Emmm....

Still In Positive Mode (Still Worry)

Che Man & I spent one of our precious annual leaves yesterday and I am glad that we spent it wisely even though it is not (yet) a fruitful ones.

It started a bit late coz there was no need for us to hurry. We waited for Aiman to wake up but he was still sleeping when the time was up. No choice, I had to change his diaper when we was still sleeping and took him to my mother in law’s place. After Che Man briefed his mum a little bit on what we are up to, we left the house.

We headed to our favorite-for-breakfast restaurant and had delicious breakfast while reading newspapers. Both of us know that we need to relax before we start our ‘mission’.

Remember THIS entry? This is something related to that entry.

At 10.30am, my heart start to beat faster than it normally does. I am not sure about Che Man’s. We took our time driving to the first meeting place as planned.

The first meeting when on quite smoothly and I took notes on what to ask in other meetings based on what we have discussed there. Smooth yes, until we told her that we have one problem. A bit surprised at the revelation (coz we only told her at the end of the meeting), she made no promise that we will be successful (can’t blame her) but she promised to forward the matter as soon as possible.

Walk out of the building feeling a bit frustrated but still hopeful and in positive mode. We drove to the next meeting venue.

Although this one is a bit ‘over’ than expected but we are willing to accept it, coz we will be soooooo glad if they could accept the ‘problem-ed-us’-IF they accept. Things went on smoothly until at the end of discussion when we told them the truth. They said, they can’t promise but they will try. We shake hand, said thank you, pleaded for them to try their best and walked out of their office.

As we walked along the corridor, I can feel Che Man’s frustration, anger and sadness. To see Che Man walking like he has 2 heavy legs and his eyes staring at emptiness, made me feel like crying. I believe, if the person that put us into this trouble was in front of us, I am sure he will punch him hard.

Just two meetings and we already feelings a little bit negative. We decided to take a break by doing a little bit of shopping around the area and had lunch. We sorted some papers and I made a ‘to do list’ based on the previous two meetings. In order to halau the negative 'spirits', we discussed on what he have so far and lay out our afternoon plan instead of whine about what is happening to us. Perut pun dah kenyang, dah dapat beberapa barang kehendak hati, we left the building.

We went to another 2 meetings. Same. Even though the 3rd person we met is more positive than the other three, but I do not want to be too hopeful about it. All fours done and what we can do now is to complete some requirements and wait for the result - about a week.

We feel like we need to take another break and reward ourselves for completing these 4 meetings without any argument between us (Except for whether or not we should pay RM0.80 for the parking. The parking ticket dispenser out of order and Che Man refused to walk to another machine which is quite far, but I disagreed. I always think that we should just do what is required for us to do by law, so that we will not have any problem in the future. Law is something we cannot fight with, no matter what. I did ignore this law once and ended up paying RM100 to M*SA).

Anyway, with a little bit guilty feelings towards Aiman, we went to watch a movie. It has been more than 10 months since we watched movie at cinema, so what the heck la kan? Terrible choice. After the movie, both of us think that the movie was too stressful to be watched by already a stressful couple. We did quick groceries shopping, fetched Aiman and went home.

I am frustrated. Did I mention that already? Let just say, you are now into trouble coz someone you helped ended-up putting you into trouble, Wouldn’t you be frustrated?

Somehow, this problem affects our relationship. I cannot help it but feeling angry thinking, if he was to listen to my a-year-ago advice we would not have this problem now. Yes, I know, all the while he is worrying about it too but never verbally admits it and therefore, there was no room for discussion. His action was too slow and depending too much on other party. I think, as a main victim, he should be more proactive and firm. Until few days ago, when I was about to give up, suddenly he admitted (verbally) that he is very frustrated and angry about what is happening. Then he started working on things and we finally work things out together. He is more open in discussing the progress. I am no longer left wondering of his next course of action. I think he learnt his lesson and I am no longer angry with him. I understand the pressure he is into because this involve other delicate issues – nak jaga hati orang lain juga.

I am still hopeful. I will look at more options and work on them until all options exhausted. Who knows, the expected may come from the least-expected source? If we failed after all that, then I won't regret it - not so much. Mungkin ada hikmah disebalik semua ni.

Note:
If any of you knows what am I talking about, you may think this post is too much, too dramatic and exaggerating. Maybe. I am plain-long-winded-drama-queen type of woman. But I don’t care. This may not be a real problem to others but as far as I am concern, IT IS to me NOW. Suka hati aku la.

Blessing

So.. did solid food & buaian make him slept well last night? No!

But at least I am happy coz he has no problem swallowing his first spoon of solid food. In fact, MIL gave him twice; at noon and in the evening. I came back a little bit late. When I reached MIL’s he had just eaten. Later we went to Jusco and purchased buaian.

Bofore: Nak tidurkan mesti guna bouncing chair

After : Dalam Buaian

He slept at about 11.00pm. Few times he woke up and cried. Buain-buai, he tido. After all the house chores, I put Aiman into his baby coat and I climbed my bed at 1.00am

1.30am Aiman woke up and cried. I put into his buaian, after sometimes he stopped crying and slept. I lie down; more like merengkot atas kerusi. After 10 minutes he started crying again. I have to dukung him for about half and hour and put him to sleep again. This cycle went on and on until 4.00am. In between of coz bagi susu & checked dyper la.

Dah tak dapat buka mata, I asked Che Man to take over and I slept. At 5.30am Che Man asked whether I can take over. Dalam mengantuk aku sempat membebel “No! I stayed up for 3 hours and you only stay up for 1 and half hour? No way!”. He.. he… I was really sleepy you see. This morning, according to Che Man, Aiman finally dozed off at 6.00am. Let see what will happen to night.

My friends said: count your blessings. Of course! Not able to sleep properly at night is nothing. Some people are not yet blessed with a child - walau dah bertahun kahwin, some people have to stay up at almost every night - their child need constant monitoring due to some kind of illness. Some don’t even have chance to have a child – 50 years old and not married yet. Some people ada anak yang cacat – needs full attention. Some people don’t have enough money to provide for their children - minum la budak tu susu pekat manis / air kanji ehsan orang lain. Some people ada anak takde husband – divorce, pass away, never been married, etc. Some people disingkir family - perkahwinan tak direstui, having anak tak sah taraf or they simply don’t care. Some people tak dapat jaga anak properly - meroyan after gave birth. Some people gone crazy - laki decided to disappear with other woman. Macam-macam lah!

Myself, I am blessed with a cheeky son, sempurna physical & mental - insyaallah. Walau tak kaya, rezeki kami masih mencukupi untuk memeliharanya secara teratur. Takde masalah tak cukup duit beli susu, lampin, baju, ubat atau apa-apa keperluannya. Ada husband yang memahami and cukup sabar layan kerenah isteri & anaknya. Ada keluarga (dan keluarga mertua) yang very supportive. Sihat tubuh badan (& akal fikiran), able to work, do house chores, stay up to take care of baby, bermesra with anak & laki.

Jadi…. I am not complaining here. Aku cuma perlu bersabar. Ikhtiar or at least adapt to it. I have listed down the possible causes of this problem. I have also listed down my action plans. I will check one by one.

So friends, if you cannot comprehend my entry today, never mind. It is not your fault. It's me – drowsy and sleepy.

Dia Buat Lagi...

I know its happening again. He showed me the signs 4 days ago.

Yup! My Aiman has changed his shift (again!). I think, last Sunday & Monday was his trial run. He woke-up at wee hours and cried for no apparent reasons. Sesekejap bangun, sesekejap tido. Day time, he slept like nobody business. Kena kejut kan dia for susu. Itu pun mata masih tertutup.

Tuesday – 4th Sep 2007
He was still awake at 1.30am. Che Man and I dah tau what is going to happen. So we made this arrangement:

1.30am to 3.00am - Nomi
3.00am to 5.30am - Che Man
5.30am onwards - Nomi

Finally Aiman dozed off at 7.00am. I was too sleepy to take shower and ended-up sleeping until 8.00am.

I was 5 minutes late for 9.00am meeting. Aku tersengguk-sengguk tahan mengantuk. Dah lambat kan gi kerja pagi tu kan, mana sempat nak minum kopi. The next half of the meeting, I closed my eyes (zzzzz….). Nasib baik meeting tu my boss tak masuk and it lasted one and half hour only. I quickly went back to my office (sebelum sesapa sempat menanyakan apa-apa) and drank coffee. Then I blog, blog-hopping and served the net sampai petang. When I tried to do some real works, my eyes shut! I did la little bit here and there (in between blog-hopping) and called my boss to check this & that. At 5.30pm, I told my assistant “sesapa carik, cakap you tak tau!”. I went inside my boss’s room and slept on the sofa until 6.15pm. Damn! The aircond was too cold. Aku start demam!

Wednesday – 5th Sep 2007
Che Man woke me up at 3.00am. Dia nak tido plak. Aiman masih tak mau tido since 11.00pm. Berjaga la aku sampai kul 5.00am. Not too bad coz I slept at 11.00pm, last night. No need to kejutkan Che Man coz baby finally dozed off at 5.00am. When I opened my eyes again, it was 8.15am! Aiyoooo….. sudah lambat nak pergi kerja. Express discussion and decision made. We called (Aku sms je) our bosses to ask for half day leave. Lucky Aiman terus tido sampai kul 10.30 pagi – we all sambung tido / bayar hutang. Lepas mandi kan dia, kami bersiap and sent him to MIL. Sempat lunch kat MIL's. I reached office at 12.45pm.

Today is actually new beginning for Aiman. He will start eating solid food today. I will miss it coz MIL will do that *Ibu kena gi kerja sayang*. We plan to buy buaian for him tonight. Hopefully, solid food & buaian will do well to his sleeping schedule (and ours!).

Note:

Errr... my boss has not reply my sms yet la.... this is so not him. Takut lak aku!

Zombie

Korang pernah tak tido lebih kurang 1 jam in 24 hours ? Bagus.. skrang... pernah tak:-

- malam sebelum tu tido 3 jam?

- malam sebelum malam tu tido 4 jam?

- malam sebelum malam malam tu tido 3 jam?

- malam sebelum malam malam malam tu tido 3 jam?

- malam sebelum malam malam malam malam tu tido 4 jam?

- malam tadi tido 2 jam, bangun, tido lagi 2 jam, bangun?

- dan... pada setiap malam - malam yang tersebut di atas; esoknye gi kerja?

- dan.. bila esoknya gi kerja, kau kena kerja je.. takleh nak gi tido kat mane-mane?

AKU PERNAH.

So, after 168 hours, I only slept for 22 hours. That is 20 hours less than my normal hours. I am sleep deprived by 48%, coffee fuelled for 8 hours per day, migraine-self for 12 hours per day and penadol overdosed all the time.

How long this 'Zombie' mood will last?

Where is my Coffee?

Originally, I wanted to post something else,

but I am physically and mentally weak.

Hence this post.

10.30pm

Baby cried. Changed his nappy.

Sapu minyakk angin.

Bagi susu.

Tried to tido kan him.

But he refused.

Main-main. Cried-cried.

11.45pm

Baby finally tido.

Pindahkan ke bilik. Letak kat katil dia.

12.00 midnight

Baby Bangun. Nangis.

Che Man got irritated.

Took the buai and cuba tido kan.

Baby kept crying.

Che Man dukung, letak, dukung, nyanyi, ngaji...

(Many-many times)

Main-main, cried-cried

Tak tido lagi

12.30am

Baby susu.

Main-main, cried-cried.

Tuam perut. Sapu minyak angin.

Ibu tertido.

1.00am

Ibu bangun. Baby tak tido lagi.

Che Man got angry with baby.

Ibu took over.

Main-main, cried-cried, dukung, letak

(many-many times)

Tak mao tido lagi.

2.30am

Bagi susu. Tukar nappy.

Check tempreature. Ok je...

Try tido kan. Baby tak mao.

Tanggal baju. Check badan.

Ok je...

3.30am

Switched-on TV. Ibu & baby watched CSI.

Cuba tido kan - tak mao.

Nagis-nangis. Ibu ignored.

Che Man bangun.

Scolded Ibu for ignoring the crying baby.

Che Man took over. Ibu try to sleep.

4.15am

Che Man came into the room.

Where is baby?

Che Man went out again.

A stroller pushed into the room

Baby inside - sleeping.

Parents, a Baby, An empty baby coat,

a STROLLER in the room?

Now, where is my COFFEE?